Therapists Approve: Ideal Ways To Parent Kids In This Modern World

 

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When different sets of parents get together, they cannot help but talk about child-related stuff often. Some may boast regarding the competitions that their kid has won, while the others speak of the increasing number of skills that the children garner. Of course, they may also discuss the little ones’ antics, which can make them want to either yank out their hair in frustration or deliver another baby into the world.

Something that all parents don’t mind affirming, however, is the truth that kids these days are highly dissimilar to the youngsters back then. If a child couldn’t reason out with their folks when getting scolded in the past, the modern kiddo may not keep his or her mouth shut until you listen. Their idea of fun is diverse as well, considering children born at the computer age would rather stay indoors than outdoors.

At this point, you should recognize that the parenting skills that your conventional mom and dad passed down may not always work. Specifically, when you’re raising a smart baby, he or she will undoubtedly find a loophole in your rules and turn your words against you. Then, there may purely be mayhem at home.

What may alter that possible occurrence in the future, nonetheless, is heeding the advice of therapists (try BetterHelp) and improving the way you parent your kids.

Source: defense.gov

 

  1. Get To Know Your Offspring’s Personality

The initial step to becoming a good mother or father to a generation X member is to realize that their character won’t remain the same forever. In case he or she used to be meek, for instance, going to school may have allowed them to either bully other children instantly. Consequently, a rambunctious kid might turn gentle once he or she begins to discern right from wrong. Jonathan Pochyly, PhD, pediatric psychologist discusses a child’s personality. “Many are predisposed to, say, being shy. But that doesn’t mean you can’t help guide and influence your child’s behavior.”

When you know how much your kid’s personality has changed over time, though, you’ll have a clearer vision of how to discipline him or her.

  1. Prepare An Explanation For Every Order You Serve

If you are rearing a strong-headed boy or girl, you can expect that youngster to question your guidelines. Instead of following the orders blindly, they may ask why they need to do this or that. Worse, the interrogation may not stop even when you tell them deliberately not to talk back.

The thing is, not all children behave like that to annoy you. Many are merely curious about the logic behind your words. And as soon as you offer them an explanation, they might never bug you again regarding that topic. “Intelligence reflects the general ability to process information, which promotes learning, understanding, reasoning, [and] problem-solving,” says Linda S. Gottfredson, PhD, a professor of education at the University of Delaware in Newark. Thus, be sure to have sound reasoning ready before serving any house rule.

  1. Respect Their Views

It is impressive – and almost frightening – how mature kids can be from early childhood. There are activities that they prefer to do on their own, such as eating and bathing. Some may also try to exhibit their fashion sense at an early age; that’s why you cannot dress them however you please. Laurence Steinberg, PhD, explains how you treat your child will affect his relationship with others. “You should give your child the same courtesies you would give to anyone else. Speak to him politely. Respect his opinion. Pay attention when he is speaking to you. Treat him kindly. ”

Although it’s important to teach children that it’s impossible to always gain everything they ask for, you have to respect their views as well. Your baby wants to become independent – that’s what’s happening. For sure, it will take years before they can master the said tasks, but it won’t hurt to let them get away with their requests occasionally. If you keep on discouraging him or her, time may come that he or she will no longer try and stay reliant on you for eternity.

 

Source: defense.gov

 

The growth of a child occurs as fast as the world changes its color. Sometimes the difference may be unnoticeable. Other times, you can only wish that the process will slow down so that your baby can stay as such longer. Nevertheless, the key to being the best parents your kids can ever have is broadening your minds and applying the parenting tips above.

Good luck!

My Toddler’s Behaviors Stress Me Out – A Mother’s Point Of View

 

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As a mother, we have this sense of idea that no matter what we do, it’s just not enough. We won’t be able to handle everything although we’re confident we could. The list of household chores, the jobs we need to finish, and the obligations we have to do for ourselves can get jeopardized. All of these are only because our toddler needs all the attention they can get from us. But are we allowed to complain about it? Do we think it’s their fault that we can’t seem to juggle things?

Time Management

There is a boundary when it comes to handling children. Every approach differs in age, gender, interest, social status, and so on. We, as mothers, should know that time management is our best option. Though there are still things we won’t accomplish even if we try so hard, that’s fine. As long as we take time to prioritize the things we need to do, we might be able to multi-task for the sake of the needs of our children. That’s significantly reassuring compared to doing nothing at all.

Psychologist Carl Pickhardt, PhD, said that it’s a common mistake for parents to sacrifice all their time and energy when they become parents. However, he said, “To sacrifice self-care and marriage for the sake of the child makes everybody unhappy sooner or later.”

Laura Markham, PhD, suggests practicing what she called radical self-care. “Treat yourself as you would your child — do you need a snack or a break right now, so you don’t have a meltdown? Find a way to help yourself feel better. Maybe that means finding a way for your child to occupy himself, or maybe it means giving him a snack, too.”

Source: defense.gov

Kids Are Not Listening

It is frustrating when we think that our kids are not listening. But the truth is, they are. They don’t respond to the things we tell them. That’s why we need to be clear that our children may unintentionally hurt us with their actions and that needs to slip away. It’s not going to be a matter of not listening but instead focuses more on the kids’ eagerness to follow and obey what we ask them to do.

Communication Is Important

“The best type of parenting is fair, flexible, respectful, and has learning—rather than submission—as its goal. Hearing and respecting feelings, allowing choice, yet setting fair and clear limits on unacceptable behavior is the healthy balance that we should all strive for,” wrote Melanie Greenberg, PhD.

Direct communication and physical interaction are the best way to make our kids understand how we feel. We need to start engaging in a conversation where our kids and us can exchange thoughts and ideas. This way, we won’t have to think about things unrelated to what we’re supposed to be doing. As responsible parents, we have to let our children understand the importance of expressing themselves. It will be a great way to help them achieve excellence in all areas of their development.

Stress Affects Everything

Being a parent is not a joke, and it requires a lot of hardships and patience. If we let stress control things, we won’t be able to identify our capabilities in handling pressure. Along with our daily task and mommy duties, everything can all get mixed up. There’s no space for us to complain about the things we can’t do significantly. We only have to concentrate on things that require attention.

Source: defense.gov

Our Kids Matter

Handling our toddlers can be exhausting and fulfilling at the same time. As a mom, we know that perfection is always our goal for them. But it’s okay to have some mishaps sometimes. It’s part of parenthood to fail and get stressed out with a lot of things. However, our priorities must not change. We need to stay focus on giving our children the best that we could.

Motherhood is not easy, but when we think about it, it’s a responsibility that gives significance to our existence. Though we may complain sometimes, it won’t change the fact that our babies are the ones who can improve our wellbeing. Nevertheless, BetterHelp will always be available if you need mental help ASAP.

Pediatric Mental Health Facts As Explained By Psychiatry

 

 

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“Visible wounds are relatively easy to recognize.” wrote Susan Newman, PhD. “It’s different when a child begins having problems at school or with friends, or if he or she becomes uncooperative and has inexplicable outbursts. Such occurrences often leave parents feeling confused and unsure about what to do.”

 

Currently, there are around 14 million children in America who are struggling with a mental disorder; however, not all insurance plans sufficiently cover psychological health. “There is a more universal recognition that we face an epidemic of children’s mental health problems in this country,” said pediatric mental health expert Barry Anton, PhD.

 

For parents who have children with mental disabilities, it is essential to be aware of the different types of scenarios and dilemmas when it comes to pediatric mental health. For this reason, pediatric psychiatrists are determined in helping parents and children who are going through a rough time.

 

Here are a couple of facts about pediatric mental health that parents must know according to psychiatry.

 

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  1. Pediatric Mental Health Is Growing And Requires Adequate Attention

 

Improving America’s pediatric mental health condition must be one of the parents’ main goals, especially those who have special needs or mentally challenged children. By recognizing that mental health is as vital as overall physical health, parents can adequately address their children’s condition.

 

Unfortunately, a lot of parents have this notion that psychiatrists or therapists are exaggerating the analysis, psychology, and medication of their kids. And the result is, the majority of kids in this country who are suffering from mental illnesses aren’t getting enough psychiatric help resulting in an untreated condition that can only get worse.

 

  1. Insurance Coverage Parity For Mental Health Is A Necessity

 

If there’s one thing that policymakers must do is to create a consistent correspondence on devoting their concerns to not just pediatric mental health but for mental health in general; this only means that every insurer in the country is required to ensure psychological health services the same way they provide physical illnesses. Though there are people in Congress who are pushing for this to happen, there’s still a lot of work to be done.

 

 

  1. Mental Health Coverage Is Cost-effective

 

Learning and psychiatric disorders are severely costing the country billions of dollars due to Medicaid, taxes, disability, and lost workdays. As of this moment, according to psychiatric studies, the majority of mental disorders that evolved in adulthood were latent during adolescence and childhood. Focusing on these common mental disorders at the very beginning, even before it progresses, is said to be treatable and cheaper.

 

What are these common pediatric mental disorders?

 

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  1. Anxiety Disorders

 

Considered as the most prevalent type of mental illness, anxiety disorders affect 13% of children within the 9 to 17-year-old bracket. While every child experiences anxiety at some point, there are those who suffer from severe anxiety which is due to fear of parental separation, society, and school.

 

“When children are chronically anxious, even the most well-meaning parents can fall into a negative cycle and, not wanting a child to suffer, actually exacerbate the youngster’s anxiety. It happens when parents, anticipating a child’s fears, try to protect her from them,” wrote Clark Goldstein, PhD. Severe anxiety during childhood requires medical therapy.

 

  1. Depression

 

Another common form of mental disorder, clinical depression affects one in 33 kids, and as for adolescents, it’s one in eight. Depression may make children feel hopeless, helpless, and worthless. Aside from those bottled-up emotions, kids are also lethargic, socially withdrawn, moody, and irritable. Depression with troubled teens that have poor support system can lead to suicide ideations.

 

  1. Learning Disabilities

 

Some of the most common learning disabilities in children are auditory processing disorder (APD), dyscalculia, dysgraphia, dyslexia, and visual-motor or perceptual deficit. These learning disabilities are not easily overcome without the help of trained therapists. If not treated, impairments will disrupt healthy living and coping once kids turn to adults.

 

Early identification of pediatric mental illnesses can be possible through proper psychological screening like undergoing vision and hearing tests. With adequate research funding from the government and by allocating resources to train and hire child psychiatrists, mental health problems in children can be quickly evaluated and treated so as not to be carried into adulthood.

For other mental health facts, BetterHelp can provide online counseling to parents who need extra support in taking care of their young ones.

5 Ways To Keep Your Mental Health In Top Shape After Giving Birth According To Psychiatrist

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“Being a mother, I wasn’t expecting it to be like this,” says a new mom of a healthy baby boy from Oregon, Missouri. “It’s difficult and demanding. I love my baby, but since he arrived, it’s like I’m slowly losing parts of myself. I wish I could have, you know, prepared myself more.”

Continue reading “5 Ways To Keep Your Mental Health In Top Shape After Giving Birth According To Psychiatrist”

Parenting And Paranoia II: Raising And Counseling “Un-Paranoid” Kids

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In my first Parenting And Paranoia blog post, I talked about the many things we, parents, act paranoid about our kids. Here, let’s look at the destructive effects our parenting paranoia has on our children and what we can do instead of instilling fear into them.

Continue reading “Parenting And Paranoia II: Raising And Counseling “Un-Paranoid” Kids”

How To Talk To Kids About COVID-19?

News of the COVID-19 outbreak is everywhere. You can see many updates from the front page of the newspaper to the neighborhood meetings. With the ongoing stressful battle, perhaps you, as a parent, want to know how you can talk about the disease with your kids in a way that it provides reassurance and does not increase the children’s worry. Good thing there are ways to do that. Here are some pieces of advice on how you can talk to children about the Coronavirus.

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Don’t Be Afraid To Discuss The Negativities Of The Disease

Your kids might probably hear about the virus. Perhaps they already asked you a question of why a lot of people are wearing a mask. That is because kids already know something is up, and they want the details of what is entirely happening. As a parent, you must let them know. Do not be afraid to tell them the negativities of the situation. Yes, it can add worry and fear to their minds. But not talking about it may be worse because the kids might feel left out. Thus, they will worry and become more curious. It can lead to the children not following safety measures too. Therefore, use the opportunity to discuss facts with the children and allow them to internalize the situation. That way, you can avoid kids from getting too emotional and exaggerated.

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Be Developmentally Appropriate In Stressful Situations

As a parent, you have to tell kids the situation of the pandemic. However, you must note not to share too much information all at once as it can become too overwhelming for children. So what you need to do is answer their queries clearly and honestly. Avoid sugar-coating the situation because kids might suffer from an emotional burden once they find out that you are lying to them. But it is also okay if you don’t have answers to all their questions. Just tell them honestly that you don’t know anything about it. To have a meaningful exchange of conversation, you can invite your kids and ask them about the things they have heard from who or whatever sources they have. From there, explain the situation and tell them whether the information they get is accurate or not.

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Take Things Slowly But Surely

Discussing the pandemic situation with kids is not only for them to know what is happening around them. But also, for you to correct whatever false information they currently hang onto. It would be best if you allowed the kids to understand that only facts are acceptable and helpful in terms of dealing with the situation right now. Just remember never to ask them questions that can encourage frightened imagination and fantasies. You need to talk to them and give them information one at a time. Do not overflow the kids with the unnecessary details that might not help in dealing with the situation. Also, be consistent in the way you communicate. Use a soft voice and avoid answering kids’ questions with “maybe.”

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Deal With Your Own Mental And Emotional Issues First

You may feel anxious and stress due to the pandemic’s uncertainties. But what you want to do is make sure that you are calm before discussing the situation with your children. You must avoid having a conversation with the kids when you notice that you are feeling a little distressed and anxious for a particular time. It is essential to deal with your emotional and mental issues first before dealing with your children. That way, they will not feel tense or scared. Provide them a comfortable environment and focus on keeping them safe.

What Moms Should Understand In This Pandemic Situation

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There are a lot of questions right now that a mom like you particularly has about COVID-19. Perhaps you are also one of those parents who are currently experiencing a different level of stress and anxiety due to the situation’s uncertainties. Understandably, you are worried about your family’s safety, especially your kids. That is because they are the most emotionally, physically, and mentally vulnerable during this pandemic time.

About the news you get from the media, you are aware that most infected individuals of the virus are the elderly. Maybe that puts you in a safe level of anxiety, thinking that children have a low risk of getting the Coronavirus infection. However, it does not entirely secure any kids’ health. That is because you only have a limited amount of data of those infected people. And that data is insufficient since you do not get a first-hand experience of what these virus-positive people are going through.

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For sure, you are even unaware that perhaps some of the people around you already have the virus. However, the data of those children with underlying conditions that are at potential risk of obtaining an infection might cause an alert. Some of these conditions that can put children at significant risk are asthma, lung disease, neurological conditions, and so on. So even if you think that children are out of the bracket of potentially being at risk of the illness, you might want to reconsider your assumptions concerning those who suffer from underlying health situation.

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Keeping Children Safe

All people are aware of the public health message that the government and World Health Organizations is providing. That is the reason why all of us are practicing social distancing, even the kids. However, as a mom, the responsibilities don’t stop after you teach your children the things they have to do during this global health crisis. Yes, you can often remind the kids always to wash their hands frequently, cover their mouths, and physically distance themselves from other people. But unfortunately, that is not enough.

Telling kids what they don’t and have to do during this time is challenging. That is especially if that is something that contradicts their intensely social nature. Children understand the situation, and they know the risk of getting an infection. However, not all of them are capable of following strict guidelines. Not all kids can participate in a stringent line of measures because most of them depend on interaction.

So in case that you put pressure on the children’s way of managing the situation, it becomes a problem. That is because instead of you securing their safety, you become the reason for their emotional and mental instability. Perhaps as a mom, you can say that this particular situation is not providing any benefits for you and to your family in a whole lot of instances. Honestly, everyone can agree to that.

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Takeaway

So far, the one bright spot of this global health crisis is that children do not appear to be severely affected by the Coronavirus infection.  Some of these kids only suffer mild symptoms of the disease due to their young, healthy immune system. But as a mom, you should not let yourself become overly confident about that. The virus is still spreading to other people, and kids’ are not exempted from getting that.

To keep your family and kids safe during this pandemic time, all of you in the house must understand the importance of the necessary habits you should do regularly. Remind yourself always to be safe than sorry.

Protect The Preschoolers

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The 2017 Preschoolers Conference was educational, especially for parents of preschoolers like me. It was all about building the injury-free community for our dear children. For me, it is an eye-opening symposium because I have learned that there can be actions to take as far as the safety of our children is concerned. Though injuries and accidents may be inevitable, especially for children, it is still uplifting to know that certain people are concerned about minimizing these accidents from happening.

I am very thankful to our dear pediatricians and preschool teachers for coming up with an activity like this. I strongly support the idea that making a safe haven for our children is the parent’s responsibility. But as our kids get older, it becomes a shared responsibility with the teachers unless we aren’t letting our child go to school.

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Coming up with safe outdoor activities is an excellent way for our child to enjoy childhood and not dread having to go to school every day. Through this conference, I have realized that you can let them play outside without jeopardizing their safety. Maybe after some coloring session inside the room, you can introduce some activities outside the classroom but still inside the school premises.

It is a refreshing thought that educators, community leaders, physicians, firefighters, public health professionals, and law enforcers are coming together hand in hand to discuss how important it is to create an injury-free community for our children. I have realized that as parents, we should not use these authorities to scare our children whenever we want to discipline them. We can instead introduce these authorities to our children as someone they can run to when things go wrong outside. But of course, parents are the main disciplinarian or caretaker, so as much as possible, we should be there for our children most of the time, especially during their preschool years because this is the time when they have the most questions and are easily vulnerable to some unwanted accidents.

Parenting An Anxious Toddler

 

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Dealing with anxious toddlers is difficult because toddlers are ten times worse than ordinary babies who have tantrums. They have anxiety issues in potty training, eating, listening, and obeying. Toddlers easily meltdown all the time, and that’s because they are so emotional. They don’t know how to control their feelings.

According to Erin Leyba, LCSW, PhD, “Some kids experience anxiety more than others. About 15-20% of kids are born with a more anxious temperament (the amygdala part of their brains are more reactive to novel stimuli from the start).”

As a parent, you will want to do everything to help your child. However, Clark Goldstein, PhD points out, “When children are chronically anxious, even the most well-meaning parents can fall into a negative cycle and, not wanting a child to suffer, actually exacerbate the youngster’s anxiety. It happens when parents, anticipating a child’s fears, try to protect her from them.”

So how do you parent an anxious toddler? Let’s talk about the tips I’m going to share. Here are some broad strokes that are important for you to remember when it comes to parenting.

Teach Them To Express Their Feelings 

Toddlers can’t express feelings just like that. Even if you think you know your kid, you don’t. Also, although they have a fantastic vocabulary and can directly tell people what’s on their mind, it doesn’t mean they can already figure out their anxious emotions. As a parent, you can teach them how to express their feelings so they won’t get used to melting down.

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Encourage Them To Fight Fears

Letting your toddlers handle stressful situations is good. However, it doesn’t mean you have to throw them into things and expect them to do it when you tell them to. That way, instead of helping kids achieve stable mental and emotional states, you’re only adding pressure and stress. Alternatively, let them discover the things that scare them, provided that you’re going to guide them along the way. You have to be there with them and show them how it’s supposed to get done.

“All too often we teach kids to take deep breaths and to get their “minds off their worries” instead of teaching them how to defeat those thoughts,” explained Natasha Daniels, LCSW. “Distraction only go so far. Parents need to get to the root of the worry and pull out that weed.”

Let Them Explore Their Feelings

It’s usual for some parents to become over-accommodating, but it doesn’t help at all. It only enables toddlers’ anxiety throughout their behavioral, emotional, and mental development. When you don’t allow them to experience agitation, anger, and pain, they will have a difficult time differentiating it from other emotions. Don’t stop them from learning just because you are too afraid that they might get hurt. They need to understand that sooner or later, they will eventually experience the challenges in life.

Acknowledge Their Emotions

When you tell toddlers to get up there and stand on their own, you’re not doing the right thing. You might think that it’s helpful in teaching your child independence, but it’s not. It will only make them feel pushed and feel betrayed. In fact, when you ask toddlers the things that scare them, what gets them mad, and what makes them sad, they won’t be able to answer it in detail. They will have problems connecting their experiences with those questions. As a parent, you need to acknowledge their emotions and know their capabilities as well.

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With sensitive and anxious toddlers, the emotions are uncontrollable. The sooner they can tell you that they feel scared, sad, and angry, the more significant changes you can figure out what to do. These tips are not exactly mind-blowing, but all of these are important in handling your baby properly. Do not risk your child’s overall health. Show them the importance of getting out from their comfort zone, and be there to assist them with their needs.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

How To Turn A Stubborn Child Into A Cooperator

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As a mom, I also have issues with my child for being so stubborn. He always makes himself free of any consequences because he knows I can entirely lose control over his unhappy reactions. I admit, I often fall in his trap because I have so much faith in him that he will change for the better. However, a kid will always be a kid. Somehow it makes me think, is he really under four years old because he seems to know what exactly he wants. He is an expert in manipulation because there is no way he can end up paying for his misbehaviors.

But as soon as I try and observe the ways of my kid, I begin to understand things. Positive parenting is not always about following a perfect disciplinary plan and action. Sometimes, as parents, all we need is a considerable amount of compassion and empathy for our little ones. With that mentality, I can say I now have a better version of my kid. So how did I do it? Here’s how.

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Tips And Guidelines

  • I was not able to notice that too many activities made my kid feel exhausted all the time. I was not aware that it is the number one reason for his stubbornness. After knowing that, I created a routine that helped in lifting his physical, emotional, and mental strength. I incorporated lots of sleep and regular meal time on his schedules. I made sure he exercise and play outside, as well. Soon after the changes, I noticed my kid’s positive behavior towards different tasks. He now has focus and motivation. He now listens to opinions and is open to suggestions. “It increases their sense of security because they know what’s coming next,” says Jean M. Thomas, M.D., clinical professor of psychiatry and behavioral science at The George Washington University School of Medicine and Health Sciences, in Washington, D.C. “The more secure toddlers feel, the more they can focus on things like learning, exploring, and playing.”
  • Engaging in an argument with a kid is one of the most distressing things that can happen in a household. That is because children know they are kids; there is the persistence of getting what they want. In the case of my kid, I gave him what he wants. However, I made sure always to provide two choices. This type of strategy made my child think about his demands thoroughly. He became more focused on thinking about positive consequences instead of the negative ones. Choosing between two options made him realized to decide between two things only. That is to have something, and not to have anything at all. “It is a good idea for parents to change their behavior first and not wait until the child does what the parent wants.” Kyle D. Pruett M.D. wrote.
  • After I realized that I was not able to provide quality time with my child, I began to change terms with my priorities. I engaged in a meaningful conversation with my kid and made sure there is a warm connection between us. I made sure that his concerns are well-answered and that his demands are well-acknowledge. I made sure that his good deeds are appreciated. “Kids tend to open up a little bit more when there’s not a direct eye contact,” says Megan A. Mooney, Ph.D., a licensed psychologist and president elect at the Texas Psychological Association in Cedar Park, Texas. Soon after that, my kid began to love working with other people. He showed compassion toward other people’s incapability to do things. He became helpful and considerate of other’s needs.

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Sometimes, we parents do not often see that our child’s stubbornness is not at all inborn. Usually, it is our fault that our kid turns out like that. So before we judge our child’s actions and behavior towards the things around him, let us evaluate how we are as moms.