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As a mom, I also have issues with my child for being so stubborn. He always makes himself free of any consequences because he knows I can entirely lose control over his unhappy reactions. I admit, I often fall in his trap because I have so much faith in him that he will change for the better. However, a kid will always be a kid. Somehow it makes me think, is he really under four years old because he seems to know what exactly he wants. He is an expert in manipulation because there is no way he can end up paying for his misbehaviors.

But as soon as I try and observe the ways of my kid, I begin to understand things. Positive parenting is not always about following a perfect disciplinary plan and action. Sometimes, as parents, all we need is a considerable amount of compassion and empathy for our little ones. With that mentality, I can say I now have a better version of my kid. So how did I do it? Here’s how.

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Tips And Guidelines

• I was not able to notice that too many activities made my kid feel exhausted all the time. I was not aware that it is the number one reason for his stubbornness. After knowing that, I created a routine that helped in lifting his physical, emotional, and mental strength. I incorporated lots of sleep and regular meal time on his schedules. I made sure he exercise and play outside, as well. Soon after the changes, I noticed my kid’s positive behavior towards different tasks. He now has focus and motivation. He now listens to opinions and is open to suggestions.
• Engaging in an argument with a kid is one of the most distressing things that can happen in a household. That is because children know they are kids; there is the persistence of getting what they want. In the case of my kid, I gave him what he wants. However, I made sure always to provide two choices. This type of strategy made my child think about his demands thoroughly. He became more focused on thinking about positive consequences instead of the negative ones. Choosing between two options made him realized to decide between two things only. That is to have something, and not to have anything at all.
• After I realized that I was not able to provide quality time with my child, I began to change terms with my priorities. I engaged in a meaningful conversation with my kid and made sure there is a warm connection between us. I made sure that his concerns are well-answered and that his demands are well-acknowledge. I made sure that his good deeds are appreciated. Soon after that, my kid began to love working with other people. He showed compassion toward other people’s incapability to do things. He became helpful and considerate of other’s needs.

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Sometimes, we parents do not often see that our child’s stubbornness is not at all inborn. Usually, it is our fault that our kid turns out like that. So before we judge our child’s actions and behavior towards the things around him, let us evaluate how we are as moms.

 

 

 

 

Yearning to have an amicable and trusting connection with your doctor, financial adviser, or your lawyer as they guide you through crucial, challenging life situations is similar to the principle that applies to your kid’s college counselor.

 

College counselors are responsible for guiding you, and your high schooler through the rough college admission process, which is why not behaving badly and instead creating a positive and robust relationship with your child’s college counselor is essential.

 

By following these recommendations, complexities of forming a beneficial relationship can become much less gruesome.

 

Treat The Counselor As A Qualified Professional

College applications are brimming with arcane requirements and regulations that counselors exert time studying and imparting every detail to their students, which is why the counselor position exists.

 

 

Current information regarding financial assistance, application procedure, financial aid, and whatever’s in-between is also beneficial. Aside from carrying out school documents, the counselor is also partly responsible for drafting the institution’s overall assessment of every student. There are a lot of obligations that need to be fulfilled by the counselor even after being constantly reminded. Exhibiting admissive or domineering attitude towards your child’s counselor only depreciates your interactions.

 

College Counselors Are Friends, Not Foes

Both you and the counselor want what’s best for your child’s school welfare; both of you hope that the eventuality of searching for colleges would turn out successful. There will be moments when the counselor has to divulge painful news like the small likelihood of not being admitted to the college of choice or the reality that your child’s selection of courses may invalidate him or her from specific tiers of universities. Treat that honesty rendered by the counselor as information and not as a form of judgment, then proceed from there.

 

Get To Know Your Child’s Counselor

Make an appointment immediately by directly introducing yourself and casually talking to him or her. This type of meeting can be with or without your child’s presence; it’s ultimately a way to get to know each other without having any urgent dilemmas to deal with. On the other hand, if you or your child have preliminary concerns or special circumstances that must be dealt with, mentioning them during casual visits can be done. Having your initiative to kickstart the process and keep the relationship leveled will alleviate any tension and form a professional bond between you and the counselor. Don’t wait until a crisis is at hand to reach out and talk with the counselor.

 

 

Respect And Appreciate The Counselor’s Attention And Time

Schools have dedicated enough resources to have counselors that are mainly focused on diligently working to keep track of student caseloads which range up to hundreds. These counselors are mostly welcoming in answering inquiries via email and phone calls during working hours; therefore, make the most of this hour to get in touch with them.

That said, you have to be aware that college applications are not life-threatening emergencies that require midnight calls especially at their homes. As much as possible, set aside your essential queries in the morning and thwart the urge to call your child’s counselors after work and especially during the weekends. Also, if you sent an email in the evening, don’t expect that you will receive an immediate response no matter how urgent your concerns are. Don’t worry. Counselors usually respond the following day.

Building a pleasant relationship with your teen’s college counselor requires sufficient amount of time, but once you have strengthened those ties, you’ll be grateful to have someone who is knowledgeable and supporting until success on both sides is met.

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As a mom, we often tell ourselves that we know our kids better than others. That is because aside from carrying them for nine long months, we got to take care of them until they learn to walk and talk. We believe that we know better because these children share our same genes and all. But regardless of the entire viewpoint we have, our kids will have this intractable attitude. No matter how calm and open we are about their needs; these little ones will still have a false sense of power over us. Since not all of the children are the same, let us try and understand the different types of children tenacity.

The Stubborn

It is a type of children’s attitude where listening is never an option. These kids get often focused on what they want, and they disregard parenting rules. Stubborn kids know the consequences of their actions. However, they care less of it since they know they can always get away with their misbehavior. They often make people around them, upset every time they are displeased and disappointed. It is as if they want the whole world to suffer every time they are in anguish. These kids are way too susceptible that sometimes even the slightest of things become a big deal for them. They often isolate themselves, and they never accept that they are wrong. They believe that punishment is inappropriate because they assume that everything they are doing is part of their development.

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The Headstrong

Children with a headstrong attitude believe in one thing – themselves. These little kids think they are always in charge of everything. They do not follow the rules because they feel they are the rules. They do not consider others feelings because these kids believe theirs are much more critical. They are often aggressive, and they take things by force too. These kids get easily angry and agitated, as well. In some unfortunate cases, headstrong children get regarded as disrespectful ones because of their dominant attitude towards adults and peers. These children want everybody to agree with them always and will show tantrums when people will not cooperate and go against them.

The Closed-Minded

Kids that are close-minded causes parent’s to a power struggle. They have this lack of concern towards the things around them. These kids do not show empathy to their friends and siblings and only listens to their parents when they think they have to. These types of children are often smart in creating excuses in spite of whatever circumstances. They listen to their opinions only and do not accept and believe in constructive criticism. They are often selfish and irrational. They think they are smart enough to win an argument with friends, siblings, and even their parents.

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Kids’ attitude is something that parents should watch out. If in case it is getting obvious, they should change their parenting way. Because in the end, those children’s misbehavior will become a reflection of failed parenting.

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Kids are not all sweet and charming. We can all agree to that. There are times that they can be so mean, irrational, and very annoying. But what is making the most fuss in parenting is these little ones’ stubbornness. It is as if these kids have control of the world. They do not follow the rules, they ignore consequences, and they don’t listen. But do not worry. There are ways to help moms with dealing with these rascals.

Positive Parenting Tips

Learn To Stay Calm – Yes, one of the best things that moms can do is to stay calm. Since kids’ are not good at regulating their emotions, mothers should not allow their kids’ mood to control theirs. Parents should always have to be in charge of everything. That is especially when it comes to disciplining kids and administering rules. Parents must understand that the quickest way to make stubborn children to listen is to give out a calm response. Taking a deep breath would be okay.

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Remember What To Control – Parents, though they are in an authoritative position, cannot always control things. That is the reason why they sometimes feel upset if they cannot control the little kids. With that, parents must learn to identify the things they can control so that they do not have to put too much power struggle. Remember that moms do not have to argue or convince them to follow specific rules. Mothers have to impose the rules, and that is it.

Try To Empower What Kids Control – Children are in charge of their choices. But it does not mean parents have to give in to them. They still have the last words as parents and control permission. Empowering what kids control means parents should acknowledge their kids’ authority. They have to make sure that regardless of the children’s desire, the little ones are still aware of the consequences of their actions. Therefore, when something is against the rules, these kids must widely accept punishment. The whole idea is about letting the kids understand their responsibilities too.

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Consider Listening – Yes, instead of moms arguing with their kids, they must first try to listen. Stubborn kids get more engagement when there is an argument because it gives them a false sense of entitlement and power. With that, moms should not get drawn into it. Parents should not allow the little ones to control the adults. Because if they do, these stubborn children will have the confidence in doing things they want without considering anything. Not even rules, punishments, and as well as other people’s feelings will have a value to these kids.

When children are in a bad mood, it becomes normal for moms to become angry too. But that should not suppose to happen. Instead, they must focus on empathy. It is by understanding the kids’ feelings. Dealing with stubborn children requires a different parenting dynamic. So instead of trying to build control over the kids, why not use themselves as a model for learning?

Keeping up with societal expectations of how to be perfect parents is unrealistic and exhausting. But are there really perfect parents? Well, there are perfectionist parents but perfect parents are debatable.

Why Perfect Parents Don’t Exist

Perfection is defined as being free from defects or flaws. Though the concept of perfection is subjective, one would conclude that perfection, when describing the human population, is not appropriate. Therefore, parenting is neither faultless nor impeccable.

Because parents are merely humans who have gained the responsibility of raising kids, they are not excused from experiencing problem behavior from their kids. Not complying with the set rules of the house, escaping chores, sibling rivalries, failing grades, unanswered homework, and spending a lot of time being unproductive are just some of the reasons why parents go berserk.

Guess what? This is just the start. Wait until these kids evolve into teenagers. That’s the time when the dilemma sets in.

From Perfect Parenting To Good Parenting

Since we’ve already established that perfect parenting is a bust, the next option would be considering how to be good parents.

1. Good Parents Accept Mistakes

Errors might be coming from the parents’ end or their children’s end; either way, what’s essential in the end is accepting the fundamental truth that mistakes are bound to be made no matter how careful or assured you are. How does acceptance occur?

• Parents need to realize that feeling overwhelmed, inadequate, confused, angry, worried, and guilty due to the behavior of your child, are part of the parenting process. Therefore, it is self-defeating and futile to strive for perfection.
• Parents need to recollect the times when they were kids, and they misbehaved and did terrible things. Once they do, remember how your parents handled your mistakes and how you reacted to it and how, at this very moment, the advice or punishments have made an impact on your overall well-being.

2. Good Parents Do Not Compare

Statements starting with, “When I was your age…” can easily end a conversation between you and your kid. Living in the past and comparing something that your children did at present is like cutting the bridge of understanding. Or saying something like, “Look at our neighbor’s kid, she did amazing on her exams, why can’t you?” You must know why your kids are failing at a specific task or subject at school. There has to be a good reason behind it.

Comparisons are the downfall of a person’s innate attributes and characteristics. Comparing your kids not only brings them further stress and pressure but unhappiness brought about by unrealistic expectations. Nobody wants to be compared with other people because not everyone’s the same.

3. Good Parents Know How To Communicate

For children to become more comfortable in opening up and talking about specific topics that they find sensitive or confusing, parents should always keep the door for honest communication accessible. Parents, especially mothers, have pretty keen instincts as to whether their children are bothered or troubled about something. They should always make the first move on asking their children how they’ve been and if there’s anything they wanted to confide to them.

Create A Flexible Framework

To live through proper parenting, fathers and mothers must create a resilient, adaptable framework that will take into consideration their expectations, temperaments, philosophies, and parenting methods. By doing so, you are a forminga structure that can commit not only to your spouse’s beliefs and style but also accommodate your children’s preferences, idiosyncrasy, and attributes.

Parents must find comfort in the idea that even though perfect parenting does not exist, a vast majority of children, no matter how problematic, turn out okay. Parenting might suck the life out of you, but it can also add joy and fulfillment to your years to come.

 

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Perhaps all of us can agree that children are cute and sensitive. However, these little rascals will never stay that way. A lot of them can become a tremendous pain in the ass. Most of the times, they will cause even more trouble compared to none. They can make someone angry because they are annoying, and sometimes they are out of boundary. But regardless of that, we know that kids will always be kids. They can shrug things off and become okay again in no time. That is their unique quality. So as parents, what are the possible things we can do to keep our children in a behave manner? How can we make the children listen to us? Fortunately, there are better ways we can count on.

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The Talk

As parents, we have great talents in finding the things we wished our kids could stop doing. No, it is not bad parenting because we know what exactly is appropriate and not applicable in our house. We have to control the bad behavior of our children. That is before they can even create a connection to the outside world and become a menace. With that, we talk them out of their mistakes. Since we want them to understand that there are things that are not allowed to do, we must be specific in explaining everything clearly. As parents, we have to take away all the confusions that the kids might have. To enable us to do that, we have to find the right words that can best explain and answer their questions. Of course, we should also have to consider providing examples as well.

The Punishment

Sometimes kids can be very stubborn that a pleasant conversation is never a solution to their misbehaving attitude. There are instances that even if we already tried so hard to explain to them what should and shouldn’t have to happen, they will continue to annoy us anyways. With that, we have to end up punishing them.  No, it is not the kind of punishment where there is too much harassment in the process. Instead, it will focus more on minor stuff that will allow the kids to suffer under inevitable consequences of their actions. Of course, that only goes to depend on the bearable emotional and mental strength of the children. Remember, it should get considered as a punishment, but not as abuse.

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The Role Model

Children are the best imitators. Sometimes they act on things based on how they see it. With that, we have to be careful in showing them everything.

As you can see, some kids work in silence, and there are who do stuff regardless of the consequences. As parents, we have to make sure that the children are getting the right amount of learning from good behavioral examples. We must not allow them to question the existence of our bad behavior when we want them to do well on theirs.

Parenting is difficult; that’s why we always have to remember a thing. One parenting method does not guarantee to work with the other. That is because children have different attitudes and behavior.

Perhaps you already witnessed a kid that rolls around the ground and crying his heart out because he doesn’t want his parents to leave him at school. And sometimes, you think that is normal because a lot of kids tend to be like that. However, what you didn’t know is the emotional and mental struggle behind that particular behavior. The truth is, what is happening to these hapless little ones is called separation anxiety. It is a psychological condition that therapists aim to address in children who are experiencing it.

Separation Anxiety In Children

Separation anxiety can occur in adults too. But compared to children, it is more severe in them. The condition is inappropriate development of excessive anxiety or fear regarding the separation of kids from those people they feel attached. Usually, children with separation anxiety experience recurrent distress when getting an idea of separating from home or any form of the principal attachment figure. One example of a scenario is when a father, mother, or a close member of the family is taking a few days off the house due to vacation, work, or whatsoever. Kids become entirely upset when they know they are going to be away from someone they care about. There is a buildup of persistent and excessive worry about losing an attachment to that valued individual. In some cases, children get disturbed when that person is sick and injured. These kids become too emotionally distraught just by thinking that their loved one could end up being kidnapped, getting in an accident, and dead.

The Effects In Children

Children with separation anxiety somehow appear same as everybody. That is the impression of why it is difficult for parents and other mental health professionals to identify the mental condition instantly. But one limiting factor of the mental illness is the kids’ behavior. Usually, kids are more reluctant to new things. There is often a refusal to go outside that even stepping out from the house becomes a big deal. Separation anxiety in children makes them fear the distance away from home because they believe it will cause them pain or any unfortunate accidents. These little ones look at their home as a fortress that once they move away from it, they become weak and vulnerable.

There is no room for social interaction on children with separation anxiety as well. That is because they usually do not want to play with other kids. There is this idea that getting too attached to someone will only cause emotional issues in the long run. With that, instead of trying to become friends with different people, these kids only surround themselves with one or two peers. Sometimes, even those two individuals get to be pushed away too. These kids are afraid to handle a much significant emotional burden caused by separation. That explains why they are sometimes clingy and unable to be sued by anybody else except their trusted parents, siblings, relatives, or friends. In some unfortunate cases, these children with separation anxiety often want to be alone. That is regardless of them being at home or in any settings.

In some events, there are severe cases where these kids experience repeated nightmares and panic attacks due to the idea of separation. It becomes a non-existent trauma where children often think about it all the time. With that, these kids end up having physical symptoms such as headaches and stomachaches.

Insight

The anxiety and fear in children usually last within four weeks. The whole thought of it causes children to feel a significant amount of distress. Sometimes, the result of the anguish makes it impossible for them to function in their lives. There are cases that even a medical professional or mental health expert cannot explain it well too. With that, children suffer silently with mental illness. And since they are kids who are sometimes unable to express their emotional and psychological situation, it becomes hard to treat them immediately.

The truth is, separation anxiety is entirely a survival practice that keeps children safe from the emotional impact. Some kids are aware that they can survive without help from someone they trust. However, not all children can integrate quickly and accept that they need to do things alone of their own. With that, they become completely overwhelmed by their developmental stage.

Separation anxiety does not necessarily have to focus on age. Instead, it is more on the developmental stage. It is where there is an expectation of the strength of the emotional and mental capability of an individual.